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THE COLLECTED WRITINGS OF RABBI PINKY SCHMECKELSTEIN
NEW: Ask Rabbi Pinky: On the Forbidden Amongst Us
This week I answer and actual Shailah from a Talmid. E.LT. asks:
“I've been struggling with a question for a long time and was not able to find a good teshuva. Perhaps you can help.
“We live in a frum world!!! so frum that I think we've moved to the right of G-D. We have kollelim, ass-kanim and chesed organizations galore. In matters of tznius I see see klal yisroel getting so frum that pretty soon we will be going to chasunas where the chosson and kallah have yichud in separate rooms. We've acheived all this progress while sending the message that we shun the outside world and don't buy into their shtusim and ideologies.
“However, when I think about the common day kollel arrangement, where it becomes the responsibility of the wife to support her husband in kollel, and there was even a machlokes recently if they should be matir the cherem Rabeinu Gershom and allow men to marry two wives so they would be better supported in kollel, we attribute this progress to our mesorah handed down for generations. However, really it's pumpt fahrkert, in truth we can view all this progress as endorsing western ideology and specifically feminism. Can you think of a single movement in America that has sent more women into the workforce and made women the bread winners for their families?
“I would be honored if you bestowed upon me your menuval smicha that is saved only for very few.
“Sincerely, an emesah menuval
My beloved Talmid, thank you such much for your Heiligah Shailah. You raise some very important issues, and, to be honest, I would have Responded to you earlier except, Rachmana Litzlan, the Reboinoisheloilum cursed me in that I still have my hearing, so I was busy being talked to by my Bashert, Feigeh Breinah, and as my hearing is perfect, unfortunately I do not have a hearing aid that I could turn off.
As I see it, there are three essential questions here:
1) Are we succumbing to the pollution of Westernized thought by allowing, even demanding, that our wives support us financially while we sit in Koilel in front of a Gemarrah, browsing on our mobile phones?
2) Should we be able to marry more than one wife, so that we can sit in Kollel and live our lives at the level of comfort that we deserve?
3) What is the proper role of women in Yiddisheh society? Was the invention in women Hakadoishboruchhu’s ultimate screw up - the creation of a distraction that would lead us to give into our Yetzer Harrah’s every. single. time?
This is a lot to answer in one sitting, and I am afraid that I am going to have to charge you double what I typically charge. Please be prepared to write a very big check out to the Yeshivas Chipass Emmes Rabbinic Discretionary Fund, made out to "C.A.S.H." which I use to support the unfortunate among Klal Yisroel in Costa Rica and the Dominican Republic about twice a year.
Answering your first Shailah: YOU ARE A TOITAL... ERRR... TOTAL AM HA’ARETZ!!! Do you think that the Goyim invented the concept of women working? Of course not!!! They stole the idea from us!!!
From time immemorial, it was the women who supported the men in Klal Yisroel!
In the Toirah, how did Eliezer know that Rochel Imainu was the intended for Yitzchak Avinu? Why... she had come to the well to get water for her asses, but gave water to Eliezer’s ass first.
She was working!!!!
She could have been home, having her nails done, and have asked her Goyta, her Maidservant, to get water for the animals. But, she knew, as a Tzadeikess, that future generations would be looking to her as an example. So she went to get the water herself!! Indeed, according to a Medrish in Beraishis Rabbah, she also worked as a Sheytelmacher, even though Sheytlach had not yet been invented!!!
And how do you think that Yankif Avinu was supported when he was studying in Yeshivas Shame V’Eyver? Sure, that Koilel came up with a little money, but times were tough. Tuition was expensive. His Rabbeihim has to make a living too - and he had terrific Rabbeihim! There was Reb Phil, who when not teaching the advanced Gemara shiur would play basketball with the Buchrim. There was Reb AdoniBaal, who taught Mussar, and who was known for giving the most inspiring Mussar Shmuzin in all of Mesopotamia. And there was Rabbi K, who showed special attention to the Buchrim who had special needs by showering with them and paying them money to engage in “special Mitzvois”. After all, the Yeshiva was calls “Shame V’Eyver”.
But Yankif, when he was in Koillel, was supported by his two wives, Rochel and Leah. But, you may ask, didn’t Yankif attend Yeshivas Shame V’Eyver prior to coming to live in Lavan’s house and marrying Lavan’s daughters? Well, you Mechutziff, as everyone knows, Ein Mukdam Oo’Meuchar BaToirah! The Toirah does not follow chronological order! And as there is no reference to Yeshivas Sham V’Eyver in the Toirah anyway, because the concept of a Yeshiva in Canaan is completely absurd, who are you to argue with me?!?!
And... need I mention, that Moishe Rabbeinu first met Tzippoirah as she was drawing water for her own asses, but gave Moishe’s ass to drink first? Again, THE GOYIM STOLE THE IDEA FROM US!! They stole the idea of the Toirah from us. Many, like the Pope and the leaders of ISIS, cover their heads because they stole the idea from us. And every time a Gentile embezzles money, it is because he store the idea from us as well!!
With regard to your second question, come now... do you really want to be married to more than one woman? Seriously?
Are you not familiar with the famous Moshul referred to by Rabbi Yitzchak in Baba Kamma about the man married to an older woman and a younger woman. The older woman pulled out the man’s darker hairs, and the younger woman pulled out the man’s grey hairs. The result? The man was made bald.
Does a Ben Toirah really need to be Mevatel Toirah in order to engage in mediation between his “sister wives”? No! This is at least one thing we can learn from the Mormons. Rather, if there are economic challenges, then the wife of a Ben Toirah studying in Koilel should stop being so damn lazy and get a second job. Or a third job. Or a fourth job.
And the man? If he has needs that his one wife cannot address, he can always go to a Pupka for a hand job. Or a blow job.
Finally, with regard to the creation of woman, was this an error on the part of the Reboinoisheloilum? Well... Hakadoshboruchhu is perfect, but He intentionally created a world with imperfections, and our mission as Jews is to engage in Tikkun Oilum, fixing the world. So, we engage in Mitzvois. We give Tzedakah to the poor. We feed the sick. We invest in the undervalued.
And how do we engage in Tikkun Oilum with regard to women? We do not acknowledge them!! In my publications, I have NEVER featured a picture of a woman, ever! And Baruch HaShem, magazines like Mishpacha and Ami do not have pictures of women. And what happens if, Chass V'Sholom, there is a picture of a woman in a group that cannot be removed? Why, then, her face and body should be blacked out, so that the image will not bring a Ben Toirah to sin. I do not know about you, but every time I see the picture of woman in a magazine or a newspaper or on a billboard or on the packaging of a box of pancake mix, I cannot stop myself from masturbating like a Chimpanzee trapped in a monastery.
And indeed, finally, someone has recently been Mekayaim the Mitzvah of blurring out the faces of women in graphic pictures from the Shoah. I mean.. seriously... do we really care that women were killed by the Nazis in Eastern Europe? Do we care about their names and their faces? Consequently, I implore you, my Talmidim, to engage in a letter writing campaign to Yad Vashem, the Holocaust Museum in Washington, and the United Nations to reduce the estimates of the Jews murdered in the Holocaust from six million to three million. Because half of those killed were only women, so we simply needn’t count them. As long as we are blurring out their faces, we should blur out their memories as well!! In fact, we should return 50% of reparations to Germany!
Finally, some of you may be asking, “but Rebbe, you refer to your Bashert, Feigeh Breinah, all the time. Aren’t you a hypocrite?” Menuvals!!! Do you think I treat my wife as an equal? No way!! She supports me, with her jobs as a teacher, a Mikva lady, and a massage therapist, but at home, she knows her place! When my Bashert, Feigeh Breinah, is in the house, she must walk around in blackface, and refer to me as “Massah Pinky”. “Feigelah, can you please make me my breakfast?” “Yessir Massah Pinky, and would you like me to bring your slippers as well before I leave for my three jobs this morning?”
Now THAT, my Talmidim, is an Eishess Chayil!”
Ah Gutten Shabbos You Minuval.
Rabbi Pinky Schmeckelstein
Yeshivas Chipass Emmess