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Wednesday, January 20, 2010



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Rabboisai – I am pleased to share with you a Mussar Shmooz prepared and delivered by the Esteemed RABAM, the Rosheshiva of the West Coast Branch of our Yeshiva, Yeshivas Chippass Emmess



I was recently 'asked' to give a farbrengen at a sehr shtrenge "facility" run by the government (the things one has to do as part of one's 'community service', oy!).

The administration of that institution may have been mistaken about the audience, though - unless those dear young boys in the front row were actually Mizrahi or Sfardim (but why would Sfardim sport tattoos that say 'Harley Davidson', a very Yiddishe nomen?). Maybe they were half-Jewish, even gerim?

But they really appreciated the visit, and many of them are sincere about teshuveh. You should have seen the joy in their innocent faces during the mussar shmuzn.

The text of my speech is reproduced below, for your edification.

--- --- --- ---

Tayere yingerleit,

Our Torah sages have instructed us to build a wall around Toireh, to keep mitzvoyes, and to make our lives holy.

Can this be achieved in America? Can we stay on the derech?

America, in addition to turning many talmedim into koifers, is also responsible for wives dropping their husbands off in front of kollel each morning on their way to work. Appalling! It isn't enough that they waste time when they could be working, they have to distract the other kollel guys too?

Takka, driving itself is untzniusdik!

Our rabbonim have insisted that the open road is too dangerous for everyone, regardless of age or maturity, in all circumstances, unless it's absolutely necessary.

What if Chasvesholom unapproved retailers from outside the community are patronized?!?

Or suppose exposure to the outside world awakens a desire for new products?!? We see them on all those ads and colourful billboards alongside the road, advertised by shikses wearing not enough clothes they should know better a spanking solln sie bakumen.

Electronics, shtarke drinken, weiber meik-oif, hair dye, lacy panties, insurance, junk food - all of these lead directly to the sitra achra. And chasveshalom you should shop retail!

G-d forbid, that one even got a tayva for pizza mit treife salami - they certainly do look tasty on those signs, don't they.... Dense and juicy with meaty goodness.

Ober a frumme yid hot kashrusdikke buying habits - we do not buy such things.

Even Hebrew National salamis are treifus gamur, kalvechomer anything with hechsers from the following organizations: Association for Reliable Kashrus; Atlanta Kashrus Commission; Beis Din of Crown Heights Vaad Hakashrus; Blue Ribbon Kosher; Budweiser; California K Igud Hakashrus of Los Angeles; Chabad Lubavitch Arizona; Chabad of South Nevada; Chicago Rabbinical Council; Congregation Arugas Habosem; Congregation Kesser Israel; Congregation Yetev Lev D'Satmar; Coordinated Kosher Supervision; Council of Orthodox Rabbis of Greater Detroit (K-COR); Debraciner Rav; Diamond K; Double U Kashrus Badatz Mehadrin USA; Fishnet Stockings; Florida K and Florida Kashrus Services; Hows-about my cousin Tzippy you'd like her; Hisachdus Harabanim; Hisbodidus Fershizzle; International Kosher Supervision; Jersey Shore Orthodox Rabbinate; K'hal Adas Jeshurun; K'hal Adas Vishnitz; K'hal Chizuk Hadas of Flatbush; Kashrus Council of Lakewood N.J.; Kehilla Kosher; Kehillas Yaakov Pupa, Lemon Curry?; Monsey; Knesses Israel Torah Center; Kof-K Kosher Supervision; Kosher Certification Service; Kosher Shmosher as long as he loves a steak; Kosher Supervision of America (KSA); Kosher Supervisors of Wisconsin; National Kashrus (NK); Microsoft Windows(tm); New Square Beis Din of Kashrus; Orthodox Vaad of Philadelphia; Rabbinical Council of California (RCC); Rabbinical Council of Orange County & Long Beach (Orange K); Scroll K; South Palm Beach Vaad (ORB); SPAM(tm); Star-K Kosher Certification; The Kosher Food Council of Northern California; The Lehigh Valley Kashrus Commission (LVKC); The Nirbater Rav; The Organized Kashrus Laboratories (O/K); The OK Corral; The Udvarer Rav; The Union of Orthodox Jewish Congregations (OU); The Volover Rav; Tofu For You; United Mehadrin Kosher; Vaad Hakashrus of Buffalo; Vaad Hakashrus of Denver; Vaad Hakashrus of K'hal Machzikei Hadas of Belz; Vaad Hakashrus of Kiryas Yoel; Vaad Hakashrus of Mechon L'Hoyroa; Vaad Hakashrus of Northern California; Vaad Hakashrus of Raritan Valley; Vaad Hakashrus of Rochester (VKR); Vaad Hakashrus of the Capital District; Vaad Harabanim of Flatbush; Vaad Harabanim of Greater Seattle; Vaad Harabanim of Greater Washington; Vaad Harabanim of San Diego; Vaad Harabanim of the Five Towns and Far Rockaway; Vaad of Lancaster; Vaad Harabanim of Yehupecz; Young Israel of Plainview; Young Israel of West Hempstead.

Boruch Hashem, such things are not available in Heimishe neighborhoods.

If you're that desperate, eat Osem meals-on-the-go. You're a goy kadoish, for Christ's sake!

Women should drive only if there is someone in the car with them to make sure nothing goes wrong. And they should never take other people with them in the car who don't need to be exposed to the dangers of driving - goyishe billboards, hechsers other than ours, or women in short skirts and string halter tops. Such as my mother-in-law.

Better yet, stay home and read Sefer haChinuch on the two mitzvois relating to Amalek in order to have some good, clean, haymishe fun.

And be sure to hold the people around you to the same high standards.

If your neighbor drives on shabbes, inform the proper authorities - and everybody else: your mechutenista, your shverre, your rabbi, the guy in the laundromat, their children's teachers, and the vaad ha rabbonim. This is not lashon horo but your civic duty. It protects the community and maintains the sanctity of shabbes, you merachil - as the gemara says, 'chavrech chavra et lei' - friends have friends, and what are friends for?

A lashon chayim is one of the most precious tools. Why would you not tell someone to avoid an unqualified car mechanic instead of my cousin Shloime chas ve chollilleh.? Or that the doctor dating someone's daughter has a criminal past you know a recent graduate with a good future?

A real mentsh warns people away from danger, I'm just telling you because G-d forbid you should make a mis-step or inadvertently break the law.

The concept of lashon horo should not be degraded, but used wisely to protect our own community. Nor should it be limited - kol hamosif goreyah. To even suggest that there might be a problem is motzei shem rah. Now go to the beis midrash and say 40 hail marys (more is both bal toisif and hiddur mitzvah, und alles bemitzvos iz a brocheh).

As usual, we learn from our heilige rebbes about this, as in so many things. And their learning goes all the way back to Sinai.

Moishe Rabbeinu said, "wer kent Torah kent alles", thus proving that infallibility is NOT a Roman Catholic idea. As with so much, we invented it and who cares what the goyim think.

Really, don't even be concerned about anything other than what our gedoilim think (most of them went to the same yeshivos as we did, by the way).

The hechsher of being a gadol means more than just a seal of approval; a gadol is respected by his fellow Toireh scholars, such as the Tzerdrayter Rosh and the Farblondjeter Rebbe. If Agudah dinner rib steak eating rabbis you trust, better you should go live in Kiryas Yoel.

An echte gadol does not ever approve of anything that the Torah did not already specifically permit. He sets razor sharp boundaries which are clear, and understood by everyone, and places his reasoning on public display. To that end, our vaad ha rabbonim has a web-page you should consult, except of course erliche yeedn are not moreh heter leatzmo to use the internet.

Trust Gdoilim to pick everything from the best company for the sewer contract down to the best recipe for lokshn kugel.

Even from Chol Hamoed entertainment our gdoilim know - the 'Trip To The Past Ride' at Frumme Fantasy By The Bay Camp is a joy for the gonze mishpoche, a means to return all yeedn to shtettel life, and the 'Water World Adventure' has a didactic value that your kinderlech cannot afford to miss - it's just like Tohu veBohu.

Season tickets for Frumme Fantasy By The Bay Camp are available in the chancellor's office of YTC-West. It's both a metzia and tzedaka. All profits go support the Sabbatical Fund for Deserving Roshei Yeshivos.

Remember, sabbatical means "of the Sabbath". So it's a mitzvah. Trust me on this.

Imyirtzayshem by y'all. Peace out.

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