BUY MY SFARIM TODAY, YOU MECHUTZIFF
THE COLLECTED WRITINGS OF RABBI PINKY SCHMECKELSTEIN
Ask Rabbi Pinky: Mishkav Zachor Position
This week I respond to a Talmid in Eretz Yisroel who was apparently so upset by last week's Drashah, he could barely wait for Havadalah before sending me a burning Shailah
Binyomin W. writes:
It hurts me to be writing this email to my Rebbe but I feel I must express my disappointment. Over the years I have become an avid reader of your divrei emess. Sometimes when I get a groisse cheyshek to do aveiros like breaking shabbos, having hot shikse sex or eating skittles i turn to your website for chizuk (although not on shabbos chas vesholom).
Today though I was eagerly anticipating your dvar toirah on parshas voeiro and all i get was a load of nonsense about mishkav zochor being a mitzva. Rav Pinky, as they say in Eretz Yisroel - yesh gevul. Please can you publish an apology and make it clear that you were only joking. Otherwise, i'm afraid some of your talmidim might take matters into their own hands the mechutziffs.
Ah guten voch from your number one minuval
You are such a Minuval! You would question a Psak from your Rebbe? This is a Shandah for all of Klal Yisroel. I may have to call up a couple of the boys in Bais Shemesh to throw shit at you and scream obscenities at your underage children.
Clearly, Avirah Da'Aretz has confused you -- I am assuming that you have actually confused satire with literalism... although if someone would like to stick his Bris Milah in some guy's Male Ervah, Gezuntah Heyt. Not my thing, but whatever. I personally will stick to hot Shiksas who are well trimmed, if you know what I mean ("Brazilian" BeLa'Az).
I am sure that you have heard many of your Rabbeihim over the years talk about the Gadluss of Klal Yisroel: When we sit down to a meal, we don't just simply pick up our food and eat LIKE ANIMALS, which would be perfectly natural; instead, we pause and contemplate the food before us and its ultimate source, and the make a Brachah so as to add on Kedushah to the everyday act of eating, going above and beyond our natural instincts. In other words, we celebrate the role of Hakadoshboruchhu in our lives by consuming our food Sheloh Kedarkoh.
So it is not a big stretch to apply this concept to other areas of life...
But, you are a Mechutziff, and are probably busy curling your Payis right now as you learn all day, while you collect funds from the State (which you are opposed to) as your wife cares for your 18 children. All very natural.
I am certain that your parents are having lots of Nachiss from you, as they support you monetarily, despite the fact that your are an able bodied 45 year old living in a one million dollar apartment. Shkoyach, I wish I could get a piece of that action.
In any case, if you do decide to experiment with Mishkav Zachor with a non-Jew, at least wear a Kishka skin. We need to set a good example for the Gentiles. You know, Ohr LaGoyim.
Ah Gutten Shabbos and a Frask in Peh, you Minuval
Rabbi Pinky Schmeckelstein
Yeshiva Chipas Emmess