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Thursday, January 23, 2014

Can All Chassidim in New York Please Check In

THE COLLECTED WRITINGS OF RABBI PINKY SCHMECKELSTEIN

http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/Rabbi_Pinky

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Can All Chassidim in New York Please Check In


Rabboisai,

I recently saw a documentary on the National Geographic Channel on Chassidim. The documentary noted that Chassidim, particularly the males, naturally dress in black for for purposes of camouflage in the forest, as mandated by the Baal Shem Toiv.

However, in a large snow, such as we had in New York this week, Chassidim lose their natural camouflage. And they therefore become easy targets for predators like bears. And Misnagdim. Indeed, National Geographic points out, the wearing of Shtreimels is intended to confuse the bears - to make them think that Chassidim are one of them. And, indeed, Toldois Aharoin have evolved to wear light colored clothing, to fit into their natural physical landscape of Eretz HaKoidesh, also known in Chassidic circles as "Occupied Palestine".

According to National Geographic, Chassidic mating patterns have evolved to address these predatory threats: Because many of their young may be eaten by their natural predators bears and Misnagdim, Chassidim have evolved to have many young to ensure that their genes survive till the next generation. This was originally theorized by Charles Darwin, as he was developing evolutionary theory.

As is well know, Charles Darwin studied the finches of the Galapagos, suggesting that their beaks were differentiated, optimized for the food sources on the individual islands. In a lesser known analysis, Darwin later spent six months studying the Chassidim of Lublin. He associated the fur hats and Niggunim with the proximity to bears and the local Misnagid populations and Litvak Yeshivas.

However, what he failed to note is that we Misnagdim have evolved big noses that can smell Shlishkas and Yapchik and schmaltz herring from a distance of 500 meters away. Yes, we Litvaks are cunning predators.

So, Beloved Chassidim, please register that you are OK.

Ah Gutten Shabbos, You Minuval.
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Rabbi Pinky Schmeckelstein
Rosheshiva
Yeshivas Chipass Emmess

1 comment:

Philosopher said...

LOL!!!!