On Coivad Yud Tess

To subscribe, send an e-mail to NPOJ8@YAHOO.COM with the word "Subscribe"

====================================================

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/pages/Rabbi-Pinky-Schmeckelstein/621655891273622

====================================================

THE COLLECTED WRITINGS OF RABBI PINKY SCHMECKELSTEIN

http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/Rabbi_Pinky

====================================================

On Coivad Yud Tess

Rabboisai,

The Goyim are having a Mageifah, and as a result are persecuting Klal Yisroel. They are struggling with a so-called virus named after a beer, the Vilda Chaya Shikkurs, and now we are being forced to shut our Moisdois and our Shuls, Rachmuna Litzlan. There go the anti-Semites again, blaming the Yidden.

How did we get here?

-----

In this week’s Parsha, Vayakhel Pikudei, we read about the directive of the Reboinoisheloilum to build the Mishkan in the Midbar. Klal Yisroel gathers together gold and silver and copper and skins of animals and yarn and build an elaborately decorated tent, with multiple rooms, a Mizbeyach, a Kiyyor, and flushing toilets. Plus 5G. All in the middle of the freaking desert.

Well, you Mechitziff, how do you think that Klal Yisroel got all that gold and silver and copper and skins of animals and yarn in the middle of the desert?

From the Goyim, of course.

We read earlier in Sefer Shmois, Perek Yood Bais, Passuk Lamid Hei:,

 וּבְנֵי־יִשְׂרָאֵ֥ל עָשׂ֖וּ כִּדְבַ֣ר מֹשֶׁ֑ה וַֽיִּשְׁאֲלוּ֙ מִמִּצְרַ֔יִםכְּלֵי־כֶ֛סֶף וּכְלֵ֥י זָהָ֖ב וּשְׂמָלֹֽת׃

“And Klal Yisroel followed Moishe Rabbeiniu’s direction and borrowed objects of silver and gold, and clothing from the Mitzrim.”

Why would the Mitzrim, those Ganuvim, lend their precious belongings to a hated minority? Were they charging our ancestors interest? Were they expecting Klal Yisroel to escape with their jewelry, after which the Mitzrim planned to file an insurance claim? Or, perhaps, did the Mitzrim not hate Klal Yisroel as much as we thought? Perhaps the Mitzrim were kind of into us, and were giving us jewelry in an effort to get into our Gatkes.

Well,you Shmendrick, the Toirah actually tells us the answer in the very next Passuk:

 וַֽיהוָ֞ה נָתַ֨ן אֶת־חֵ֥ן הָעָ֛ם בְּעֵינֵ֥י מִצְרַ֖יִם וַיַּשְׁאִל֑וּם וַֽיְנַצְּל֖וּ אֶת־מִצְרָֽיִם׃

“The Reboinoisheloilum made the Mitzrim favorably inclined to Klal Yisroel, and they loaned their objects to the Yidden, who took advantage of Mitzrayim.”

Just like that. Hakadoishboruchhu snaps His large, hairy fingers, and the Mitzrim handed us their possessions. Maybe, if we had asked nicely, they would have given us their houses and their country clubs, and then they could have had the Groiseh Mitzvah wandering in the desert for forty years like a group of overeducated nomads.

What were the circumstances that preceded Klal Yisroel reaching the grand heights of Yetziyas Mitzrayim, taking oynership of the Mitzrim’s possessions, receiving the Toirah on Har Sinai, walking through the Midbar, and entering Eretz Yisroel?

All of this happened following a pandemic that killed the first born sons of all of Egypt -- Makkas Bechoirois, the Plague of the Firstborn, when the Mitzrim died while Klal Yisroel went free.

What can we learn from this Parsha, you Menuval?

The Toirah is teaching us that Klal Yisroel is immune to the Mageifois that plague the Goyim. The world must hide, the world must engage in Social Distancing, the world must worry about a 3% mortality rate. But Klal Yisroel is immune, perhaps even strengthened, by continuing to go to Minyan three times a day, by continuing to learn in Bais Medrish, and by continuing to hold Simchas attended by the young and old, especially when the band has already been paid for.

Sure, we can quarantine ourselves... but only if we believe the lies of the left, the hoax of the media. You can choose to stay at home learning Toirah while your Bashert is home since the local Bais Yankif was closed down by the anti Semites and the self-hating Mamzeirim who called for the closure of all that is holy to us truly Frum Jews:

-       Shuls, where we spend our mornings Davening with two pairs of Tfillin, two pairs of Tzitzitz, and two smartphones to text on during Shmoineh Esrai;

-       Yeshivois, where we spend our days Shteiging in Bais Medrish, toiling over a Gevaldika Toisfois, while the lazy Am Haratzim idle away engaging in Bittul Toirah at their jobs;

-       Simchois, where we spend our evenings sharing in the joy of others by eating their food, drinking their alcohol, and complaining about their speeches; and

-       Freilechah Hoizelach, where we spend our nights Shuckeling with the Kurvahs.

We true believers go about our lives, secure in the knowledge that Klal Yisroel cannot possibly be affected by a disease that has already killed thousands of Goyim around the world. We survived the Mitzrim and the Babylonians and the Persians and the Greeks and the Romans and the Poles and the Germans and Oibama, so we will get through Coivid Yud Tess Machalah just fine.

I am reminded of a story about Reb Chaim Bouillabaisse, the Chief Rabbi of Strassburg during the Bubonic Plague that killed half of the population of Europe between 1648 and 1651. Reb Chaim was trying to teach a Shiur on the proper size of the knife used to slaughter the Para Adumah, the Red Heffer, during the time of the Bais Hamikdash. His Talmidim listened patiently as Reb Chaim quoted the Talmid Bavli, the Yerushalmi, Reb Sherira Goyn, the RAMBAM, the RAMBAN, the RIF, the ROISH, the RAN, the ROE, the RABBIT, and the R-Squared, citing their debates on the size of the handle, the sharpness of the blade, and the famous Machloikess on whether or not the Koihain Gadol can use an electric chainsaw Bishas Hadchak.

Suddenly, a young Talmid in the second row named Jacques raised his hand, “Rebbe, why are we discussing the technical details of an obscure ritual that has not been performed in almost 2,000 years while people are dying everyday and the Jewish People are being scapegoated and persecuted?”

Reb Chaim paused, and then, after looking at the ceiling for a moment, responded. “Yankel, do you ever tell you father the tailor how to sew clothing?”

“No, Reb Chaim, Jacques responded. “My Papa studied clothing design at the Sorbonne. He knows better than me.”

“Yankel, do you every tell your mother how to cook for Shabbos?”

“No, Reb Chaim, Mother studied cooking with some of the finest chefs in Paris. She does not need my advice.”

“So why do you think you should tell me how to teach my class?”, Reb Chaim asked.

Jacques got out of his chair, went up to Reb Chaim, beckoned Reb Chaim to lean down, and then whispered something into his ear. He then promptly left the classroom.

Another Talmid, Pierre, raised his hand and asked, “Rebbe, what did Jacques say, and why did he leave?’

Reb Chaim responded. “Pierre… all of you Kinderlach, Yankel excused himself to go home. He did not have any Emunah. I say ‘Good Riddance’! Now let’s all take a break and eat some frogs legs and baguettes, and meet back here in twenty minutes.” After the students left the room to take their break, Reb Chaim walked over to the desks of each of Talmidim, coughed on their Gemarras, and spat all over their pencils and pens.

When the students returned Reb Chaim announced, “Kinderlach, I want to reassure you that you are perfectly safe from the Goyyisheh Mageifah. There is a Gemarrah that promises us that Hakadoshboruchhu will never take the souls of the innocent. I just sent Him a personal reminder of what He has to lose if He allows the Machalah to spread.”

And, in fact, Reb Chaim did save the children from dying a senseless death in the Bubonic Plague. That Shabboskoidesh, the Reboinoisheloilum confirmed His commitment to not harm the Strassburg Jewish community with a pandemic disease. Instead, he mercifully sent the fearful, superstitious Goyim of the town to slaughter all the Jews of the city – every man, woman, and child -- in an effort to prevent the plague from reaching the city. But the joke was on the locals and their Goyisheh Kups: They all got the Bubonic Plague anyway and died three weeks later.

Rabboisai, Now is the time to show our Emunah by declaring our faith. We do not need to hide in our homes! While the Goyim and the nonbelievers try to hide from the so-called germs, we should all go to our Shuls to recite a Heimisheh Hallel to Hakadoshboruchhu:

“Thank you Reboinoisheloilum for watching over Klal Yisroel. The Goyim use Webex and Zoom and watch Netflix, while we sing Your praises. The Goyim stockpile toilet paper, while we engage in Avoidas HaShem. The Goyim show their lack of faith, while we demonstrate our Emunah. Just please make sure that we get some of that handout money the Government is planning to send. After all, we have many mouths to feed, Kenayna Harrah, and the Goyim not including us in their wealth redistribution scheme would be a terribly selfish and myopic thing for them to do.”

Ah Gutten Shabbos You Menuval

---------

Rabbi Pinky Schmeckelstein

Rosheshiva

Yeshivas Chipass Emmess